The night i woke up in a brothel

I tried to get off the bed and make my way over to the other side of the room to get my clothes. I’m completely nude and unable to walk properly. I grab the small wooden chair that was next to the bed, spin it around, and used it as a makeshift Zimmer frame..

A FeW QUIET DRINKS

So my story begins in the devils playground, the city of Medellin Colombia.

I checked into a party hostel, and like many party hostels, there were a bunch of English & Aussie backpackers hanging around the pool bar. We got straight into a good day session.

I had been given some advice from someone at the hostel about the gentleman’s club downtown, that has a bar and party vibe, with plenty of beautiful Colombian girls.
So, I rallied up a few of the boys, who were keen to come check it out. We load into a maxi-taxi and head out at night fall.

Once we arrived we were greeted by 2 big Colombian doormen and a few very nice looking ladies. We all piled inside and sat around at one of the big tables near the bar. It’s still early & no one is around, so all the attention is on us. A friendly faced, smiling Colombian pimp daddy called Carlos comes over. He welcomes us to his club, and shouted us all a round of cold beers.

A DJ starts playing a set to get the party started and then the beautiful chicas from Medellín come to great us. The boys jaws are dropping left and right, everyone getting excited as fuck. We had a few of the girls sitting with us chatting and having a good time. Carlos keeps the beers flowing. I had about 3 and then good old trustworthy Carlos comes over with a bottle of “Aguardiente” (the Colombian alcoholic spirit of choice). Couple of the boys seem to have disappeared with some chicks, but one of the lads, Alessio and myself had a round of shots with Carlos. One shot, maybe 2 at the most..

WHERE THE FUCK AM I ???

This is when the night took a wild twist…

I have woken up in a bedroom with the “Biggest Black Bootie” riding my cock. I was confused and didn’t know where I was and how I got there. The chica turns her head around and says “hola Papi, que rico”.

I’m in a state of confusion, and don’t just feel hung over or drunk. I start to realise that maybe I have been drugged. I keep getting these wild random short flash back memories. (Realising I have just woken up in a brothel, I start to burst into laughter).

I look down & luckily I had a dommie on, thank fuck. I think to myself – “I may as well let the BBB get the job done.” I blow my load, play the drums on her bum and then asked her to get off me.

I tried to get off the bed and make my way over to the other side of the room to get my clothes. I’m completely nude and was unable to walk properly due to the drugs (or whatever they spiked our drinks with). I’m still so confused, but couldn’t help but laugh at the dangerous situation I was in.

I grab the small wooden chair that was next to the bed, spin it around, and used it as a makeshift Zimmer frame to allow me to shuffle across the room like a little old man.

My things were stacked neatly in the corner of the room. Luckily, they haven’t stolen any of my shit. This ain’t my first rodeo. I had all of my money hidden under the sole of my shoe. Hehe! Winning! I gather my clothes and got dressed.

Still holding on tight to my walking frame, I slid my way down the hallway and made it out to the bar where good old smily Carlos was there waiting with a few of his girls. I said “hijo de puta you drugged me you prick”.

He denied, denied, denied any wrong doing. He told me that I went wild in the club and was running a muck with the ladies. I bet I was lol. He reckons, we all got out of control & he was worried about what was going to happen to his casa.

WHERE ARE THE LADS ???

I sat down and tried to work out what time it was and where all the other boys are.

I was able to walk again and got the fuck out of there as fast as possible. But I was moving like a turtle and couldn’t see properly. Everything was looking like a kaleidoscope. A bouncer at the door smiled and said “see you next time”. I thought, “not a chance pal”. I get to the bottom of the stairs and step out onto the street. This random taxi driver rushes over to me, screaming in Spanish and was holding an Australian $10 dollar note in my face.

I was like “calm the fuck down a minute”. He tells me that one of the boys had no money to pay and gave him this. The guy he described was my mate Alessio. I asked the taxi driver to take me to where he dropped him off.

So, I’m hanging out the window like a dog trying to look for my mate. It’s dark and scrary as fuck outside. We are in the backstreet ghettos of Medellin.

I don’t know how the fuck I manage to spot him. He was crab walking along the walls of all the shop windows & roller doors, trying to hold himself up.  We pulled over alongside him. He was a fucking mess! Bashed, bruised, one shoe missing and no shirt. He had been jumped in the dark streets.

I went straight up to him and grab him and said Alessio, it’s me!!! He just started crying.. Poor fella had a big night. I loaded him into the taxi and we went straight back to the hostel. By this stage it was breakfast time and a few early risers are up. We came rolling into the lobby in bits. I handed Alessio over to the hostel staff and go to jump straight into to pool.

Sitting underneath the water, I think to myself – “Thank god we made it out”.